I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
