Do vagina's smell?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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