I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Green mimosas i think yes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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