If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
