I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
