The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
