I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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