You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
