It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
