why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
this boner is exhausting
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
