Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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