I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
