I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
