Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
