My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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