the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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