we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
