i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
