I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
The air was thick with penises
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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