babies were throwing up all over the place
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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