Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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