It's like God shit irony all over that family
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
