she woke up with a sticky ear
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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