you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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