i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
