apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
