Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I cut my penus on the lid.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize