we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
