dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
