I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
he laminated a picture of his dick.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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