The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
