My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
