ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just want to make out with him forever
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
