Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
