I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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