I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
