If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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