I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
