The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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