the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
