Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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