fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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