If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
