I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
