You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
