I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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