I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
