So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Randomize
