did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
