EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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