I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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