I only kidnapped one of them. chill
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Randomize
