why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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