so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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