I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
