HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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