Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
