I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
sarcasm needs its own font
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
