things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
