Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
