oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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