my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
