there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
