So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
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